Living on autopilot, mechanically moving through life, conceding to undefined emotions, and succumbing to every negative thought and interaction. This is self-neglect. It’s a mode of existence that is increasingly prevalent, because a significant number of humans are still navigating life without core values. Making values your guiding compass is the conscious alternative to autopilot, allowing for more intentional and effortful living.
Translating Core Values Into Action
Possessing core values isn’t inherently virtuous. The translation of values into action is what really matters. So when articulating your values, consider those that guide your personal life (introspective values) and those that drive your contributions to your relationships and community (service-driven values). This is about becoming a better version of yourself within the context of your actions, relationships, and communities.
Identify Your Core Values
| INTROSPECTIVE VALIES —>> (guides personal choices) |
SERVICE-DRIVEN VALUES (shapes how you show up for others) |
Empathy: I feel for other people’s experiences. I’ve had or can imagine similar emotions. |
Compassion: I draw on empathy to be a calm, supportive presence to help people feel cared for and understood. |
| Wisdom: I fill my mind with information that I use to practice good judgment. | Education: I share what I’ve learned and contribute
my skills and knowledge by doing good work. |
| Hope: I believe in the potential for positive progress, even during challenges and adversity. | Contribution: I share my time, skills, and perspective to work towards the positive progress that I know is possible. |
| Ambition: I aspire to pursue things that challenge me and expand my potential. | Initiative: I take proactive steps to turn ambitious goals and ideas into reality. |
| Fairness: I believe in equitable treatment and impartiality. | Justice: I advocate for equitable treatment and impartiality and pursue fairness in my own actions and decision-making. |
| Creativity: I value innovative thinking and artistic expression. | Resourcefulness: I utilize resources to bring creative ideas to life, inspire others, and solve problems. |
| Sincerity: I express myself with thoughtful honesty. | Presence: I give my full attention, showing sincerity not just in my own expression but in how I listen, respond, and stay engaged. |
| Gratitude: I recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of my life. | Generosity: I express gratitude by giving back to others and sharing my resources. |
| Humility: I acknowledge the influence of external factors in my success, and maintain a willingness to keep learning and growing. | Inclusivity: I accept differences in others and respect their unique circumstances and perspectives. I believe in other people’s ability to learn and grow. |
| Achievement: I pursue success through sustained effort and determination. | Leadership: I help others find their own path to achievement, sharing insights when helpful. |
Living in Alignment with Your Core Values
Living in alignment with core values brings direction, stability, and purpose to your life. Values guide you through challenges and decisions. When you define your core values using the framework above, you also ensure your actions reflect your priorities.
There are many resources online that list dozens of values. For example, Brene Brown’s List of Values is an effective way to narrow down the values that are most meaningful to you. Just make sure you embody those values–not just occasionally, but over various situations over time.
Monitoring Alignment with Core Values
How do I assess the alignment of my thoughts and behaviors with my values? This is not a process of approving and applauding actions that clearly align: acts of kindness, empathy, and compassion. The primary task of self-accountability is to identify opposing threats to your values system: judgment, superiority, or apathy.
For example, I sometimes get judgey when observing fanhood—be it a trendy movie, a famous musician, or a football team. Screaming in a sea of people triggers a wave of criticism in me. I develop a false sense of superiority and craft narratives in support of that feeling, like how my choice to avoid crowds makes me more rational and grounded. I use this narrative to masquerade my social detachment into a special wisdom.
One day, I caught myself. Instead of riding the wave of criticism and superiority, I paused. Why does this situation trigger me so strongly? What is this telling me about myself?
Maybe I find these people belligerent (or might it be unrestrained joy)? Maybe their passion is perceived by me as reckless (crowds have always made me uneasy). Deep down, I noticed I envy the way super fans could embrace something so completely. I noticed how beautiful it could be to feel so passionate about something. To stand among thousands of strangers brought together by a shared and compounding excitement.
I also notice nuggets of truth behind my initial thought process. Crowds really do make me uneasy, and it’s still not for me. I also remain wary of moments where passion tips into overindulgence or unhealthy obsession, which leads to aggression and chaos. But my automated judgment and generalizations of these fully-dimensional humans wasn’t an accurate or values-aligned response. It was a reflex shaped by envy and unexamined fears.
Developing an Inner Coach
Compassion is one of my values. It’s not something I congratulate myself for every time I show it. Moreso, I recognize judgement or superiority as warning signs that need security clearance. Developing this reliable inner review process requires catching reactions that are not values-aligned in their tracks and digging deeper. With time and practice, this process translates what initially feels like justified cynicism into curiosity, empathy, and a deeper understanding of the world—and yourself.
