Looking for the best way to improve your communication skills? You might think it’s about knowing what to say. Using clearer language. Choosing better words. Practicing scripts. Memorizing frameworks.

While these things can help in certain situations, they’re not the foundation of good communication.

Most of our self-criticism about a conversation fixates on what we said (or what we froze up and didn’t say). But communication rarely fails because of words alone. The words, spoken or unspoken, are usually the result of something deeper.

Communication fails because of low presence, limited emotional awareness, or the inability to self-regulate.

#1 Best Way to Improve Your Communication Skills: Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.” -Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics

Understanding Other People’s Emotional Climate

Most people don’t struggle to identify what they want to say. They struggle to decide:

Is now the right moment?
Is this the right tone?
Is this person actually ready to hear this?
Am I a good messenger for this?

Good communicators consider their audience’s emotional state and tailor their responses accordingly. You can say something technically “true” and still damage trust if the timing is off.

There’s a false dichotomy that either you’re “brutally honest,” or if you care too much about people’s feelings, you’re a people-pleaser. Neither produces good communication. Truth-telling without tact feels aggressive. Tact without truth is evasive.

Good communicators can manage both truthfulness and tactful delivery. Tact is delivering truth in a way that preserves dignity and understanding. If what you say isn’t well-received or properly understood based on situational and emotional context, communication hasn’t done its job. If your honesty leaves people defensive, shut down, or confused, the issue isn’t always their resistance to the truth. It’s the delivery. And delivery problems are often the result of poor situational awareness: speaking without accounting for timing, emotional states, or relational dynamics.

Understanding and Managing Your Own Emotional Climate

In addition to reading other people’s emotional states, strong communicators stay attuned to their own. Communication breaks down just as often because we’re unaware of our internal climate as it does because we misunderstand someone else’s.

Being emotionally aware doesn’t mean worshipping every feeling as it arises. It means noticing when you’re heated, overwhelmed, defensive, or emotionally charged. Then, practicing restraint when those states would interfere with your ability to be calm, empathetic, or clear. (Yes, this still applies when the other person is difficult).

Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings. It’s about avoiding emotional excess. This is temperance: the ability to feel without letting emotion overrun judgment. When emotions spike, they often come with physical signals: a racing heart, a tightening chest, an urge to interrupt or defend yourself. These aren’t cues to speak faster or louder. They’re signals to slow down.

Good communicators separate emotion from action. You can feel frustrated without acting frustrated. You can feel hurt without lashing out or shutting down. Clarity improves when emotions settle. Regulated communication prioritizes understanding and repair over the temporary release of saying whatever feels good in the moment. This is self-leadership in conversation. Figuring out how to improve communication skills isn’t about adding more techniques or phrases. It’s often about doing less and slowing down.

So what’s the best way to improve communication skills? Practice your ability to pause, assess what’s happening, and decide when to speak and in what tone, not just what to say.